Two lovers, One soul
by silveralopix
Summary: When Merlin saved Arthur he never knew the consequences it would bring, he really didn't! Although everything should be right and happy, it isn't. Merlin has to struggle now to recover from the dreadful events that almost happened and trust himself to depend on others for once. This is a fix-it fic with a happy ending. (Merthur)


_Merlin looked with tears blurring his vision as his king floated in a boat to Avalon. He could not start describing how he felt. Grief, sadness, frustration, anger and disappointment. Yes, he was disappointed in himself. All his dreams of Albion, for Arthur being the once and future king, all his sacrifices and action were for nothing. His existence felt pointless indeed. For what was his purpose in this world if his Arthur was not there? His Arthur... He did not only lose a king, a friend, a companion but his lover and therefore part of his heart. _

_His eyes never left the boat, not even when the sun rested and night took over and then when day came back again. Not until Avalon took him in and gave him his place among the spirits of the Earth, the dead really. He felt empty and useless. He was a nothing. Emptiness..._

"Arthur!" Merlin jumped as the same nightmare occurred again. He looked around and saw the familiar place. Camelot. The castle. Arthur's room. Arthur's bed. He looked at his king lying beside him on his stomach, face buried in the pillows and an arm that used to be around his waist now fell on his lap. He felt relieved as he saw him stir, obviously disturbed as Merlin called his name.

"Merlin..." he mumbled through his sleep, sounding tired. He cracked an eye opened to see a very awake Merlin "What are you doing up? Go back to sleep!" he said pushing him down a bit and bringing him closer. Merlin settled back again in the pillows, his back tightly pressed against Arthur's chest.

He closed his eyes but didn't sleep all night...

...

It happened almost every night. That nightmare always, always disturbing his sleep. He couldn't even remember the last time he slept well.

It has been almost two weeks since Merlin brought Arthur back to Camelot and brought joy to the people. The king was not only alive but very much capable of ruling in a situation of chaos. When Arthur stepped foot within the castle he was told of a council to discuss the next heir of the throne in line, which seemed to be useless in the end as he made his presence quite visible. He then excused himself to rest, but not really, as he pushed his servant on the bed and took sweet revenge for the biggest secret that Merlin forgot to mention.

Merlin felt at peace that night in Arthur's arms, skin on skin. Arthur's presence always seemed to be calm and relaxing, but knowing that his lover not only knew but accepted his magic, was beyond heaven. He remembered as he held him really close and tight, their noses were almost touching. That night, he looked deep in Merlin's blue eyes and whispered "You are miracle Merlin. My own Heaven on Earth." A small peck followed and Merlin eyes were sealed shut by drowsiness.

It was then that it begun. That same nightmare, Merlin watching Arthur on a boat heading to Avalon. The great and powerful warlock unable to save his king's life. His destiny shattered and his dreams left unfulfilled, the result visible under his eyes.

It was early morning, just after breakfast, that he stood there, Arthur telling him about something of importance and him not being able to focus, stared at space.

"Merlin!"

"Yes!" he shook his head and blinked his eyes furiously "What?"

"Have you listened to any word I just said?"

"Umm winter... crops! Need more resources, right?" He mumbled. Arthur raised a brow.

"Will you tell me what is so wrong with you, that you just missed the most important announcement I ever made?" he asked annoyed by Merlin expression.

"Nothing is wrong! It's just a lot happened lately and I'm trying to cope with it!"

"Well, try harder because you will have to cope with lifting the ban of magic!" Merlin's eyes grew wide. He tried to realise what the man before him just said. He walked closer, until his hands where sliding on his waist and up behind his back. Arthur rested his lightly on Merlin's hips. Lips very close to a kiss but not even brushing.

"Say that again, slowly."

"Lifting the ban on magic?" Merlin hurried to close the gap between them before a finger stopped his lips. "There is more." He smirked. He just loved to see his silly, little reactions. "When the thought sinks in to the council members, I will need a Court Sorcerer and I can't think of anyone else other than you. So yeah, you'll have to take that part. Because obviously there will have to be laws about..."

Lips crushed and melted against each other and Merlin lead them towards the bed he just made and they fell with a thud on the mattress. He straddled the blonde's hips while he kissed him everywhere. Their lips became pink and swollen, Merlin's fingers were ruining Arthur's neatly brushed hair. He traced a line of hungry kisses down the king's throat reaching his collarbone, He sucked and kissed and nibbled as if he hadn't done all that last night.

Arthur smiled contently and the sensations made his eyes roll back before saying "Merlin, I'm going to be late. The knights need training."

"Let them wait!" he said between kisses and it seemed funny how the roles were reversed. Merlin complaining about him being late and Arthur ignoring him.

"I really have to go." A quick kiss found his mouth and Merlin looked at him with bright blue eyes.

"I could stop time."

"Is there anything you can't do oh, so powerful Merlin?" he teased. Merlin just smiled.

"Now can you please help me with my armour?"

"Fine but you are getting thanks tonight!"

"No problem with me!"

The day had been exhausting. Although Arthur allowed Merlin to use his magic to complete his chores (but being careful and still keeping it a secret) everything seemed to take double the effort to complete. He would forget how tired and drained he was, eventually, while working and later that day, reading spells and runes in the library in a dark corner away from Geoffrey's curious eyes. He couldn't focus at all, his eyes wouldn't let him form the letters and his mind was not working properly. His stomach hurt and he was hungry but he had no appetite. His eyes were heavy and before he knew it, his promise of thanking Arthur was broken.

He fell asleep on the book and the same darkness took over. The same dream plagued his tired mind and although the place he was sitting was not comfortable in the least he kept on dreaming. He wanted to wake up but he couldn't and so another night of restless sleep had begun.

...

Very early morning found Merlin's eyes as he raised his aching head from the book. It was another day already which should consist of the usual, fetching the king's breakfast was first on the list. He hurried down the kitchen that was still quiet enough but slowly getting busy. He gathered his king's favourites and headed up towards the main rooms.

He opened the door to find a sleeping Arthur and set the breakfast down the table. He sat down beside him and looked at his face so calm and relaxed. He caressed his cheek and then tangled his fingers in that soft gold of his hair. He wanted to sleep like that so much. _Damn it Merlin!_ He thought. _Why can't you just accept he is real, he really is real! You almost lost him like that countless of times so why does this time bother you so much? He is here god damn it!_

"You didn't come last night." Arthur said, eyes still closed, enjoying the touch of his Merlin.

"Something came up." He withdrew his hand and stood up before the king could catch him. "Sorry" He poured some water in a goblet while saying "Breakfast is ready."

Arthur got up from the bed with a curious mind. His servant seemed to be acting so odd lately it worried him. He noticed days ago that Merlin got so much thinner, if that was even possible!

"Merlin." He said once.

"I have lots of stuff to do..."

"Merlin." He said twice.

"... so I'll leave now. I will probably see you tonight." With that he left the chamber.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted thrice, having a very bad feeling about his behaviour.

...

Arthur Pendragon was not a patient man. And being in a situation where he had to wait very late in the night for a certain someone was not good on his nerves. _Where has he gone? When is he coming? Is he coming?_ Questions that made him pace up and down his empty room.

Merlin found his way towards Arthur's chambers after walking for what seemed like ages away from Camelot when really he was just in the nearest woods. He knew Arthur was waiting, he knew he had questions. But he didn't want to worry him, the kingdom needed him more. He pushed the door open.

Arthur's head turned immediately around and looked at the wreck of what used to be a happy and joyful Merlin. He looked at him, examined him. Boots muddy and wet. Clothes the same from yesterday. His face pale and yellowish and dark circles shadowed his eyes. He walked to him and took his hand, slowly leading him to sit on the bed. He bent down to a knee and took his boots off, then his clothes. He dragged the sheet and blankets down and pushed him down to the mattress. His clothes followed and he came from the other side to cover them with the covers, securing him in warm embrace.

"Tell me..." he started "I don't care when. Whenever you feel like telling me. Just tell me please. We said no more secrets."

Merlin turned around to kiss his lips lightly, he really needed a kiss right then and definitely something more. The kiss quickly turned wild and wet. Both men half hard, were pressing against each other. Feeling each other as they got more and more excited. Arthur took both of them into his hand and started rubbing them in a slow, lazy rhythm. Merlin parted his lips to let out a content sigh with a low whimper, as they turned rock hard. "Arthur" he breathed and Arthur lifted his body to be on top of him between Merlin's legs.

The rhythm got faster as things became messier and hotter. Arthur just couldn't get enough of Merlin and his lips kissed and nibbled Merlin unshaved chin and jaw, he loved the roughness. He then raced a line down his neck and collarbone and went lower painfully slow while releasing them from his grasp.

He stopped to breath in the musky scent of Merlin, before he took him whole in his mouth. Merlin lost his breath and hid his fingers in Arthur's hair as he sucked and licked his length. Merlin's low screams and other breathless words including his name and other pleadings that made no sense like "Arthur... Please... Yes..." gave the king great satisfaction. He felt the heat disappearing as the man released him with a wet pop.

Arthur positioned himself on one elbow, supporting his weight over Merlin's fragile figure while his fingers opened up Merlin's entrance. He smiled as he saw the warlock close his eyes with pleasure occasionally granting him kisses over his mouth and flushed cheeks. Merlin's hand clutched his side, nails digging into his flesh.

Arthur teased his entrance with his cock. He pushed inside and tried not to lose control as the warmth embraced him. They slowly picked up a pace and Merlin gasped for air against Arthur's hair. The king gave a bite to Merlin's shoulder and his breath left a misty sensation over his lover's skin. Soon both of them gave in and found the sweet release they looked for.

They stayed like that for a bit. Merlin's hands tighter on Arthur's sweaty back. Merlin's eyes were blurry... _with tears?_ _Am I crying? _True, his eyes were filled with tears. It ended and they had to go to sleep. "I don't want to sleep" he whispered hoping that Arthur would prolong this moment.

"We have a council tomorrow in which you are to be announced my Court Sorcerer. I need my strength to face the arguments Merlin." He gave him a kiss on his cheek and rolled on his back disconnecting them. "Get the candles." He said in a low voice, eyes closed.

Merlin spoke in the tongue of magic and the room went dark. He placed his head on Arthur's shoulder and the king wrapped an arm around him, giving him first a kiss on the forehead. A few moments passed and Merlin thought the other man fell asleep while he himself tried desperately not to before he heard a very sleepy sentence.

"You are not alone. Don't ever think you are." His hand wrapping him closer.

...

Oddly enough Merlin managed to sleep a few hours after dawn without disturbances but he was as tired as hell when he woke up. Arthur was still asleep. He supported his head in one hand and watched his beautiful face. Merlin was the only one who knew Arthur's sleeping face so well. Muscles relaxed, his usual prominent look soft and calm and his lips slightly open as he breathed slowly. He couldn't help but trace his fingers over them, feeling their softness and then up his cheeks and eyes. Arthur stirred.

"Merlin." Was his first word, mostly every morning these last few months. It was quite odd the fact that Merlin still hadn't slept in his bed since Camlan. They shared Arthur's bed for almost three weeks now that it felt so natural.

"Are you sure about today? I mean changing laws and particularly this law will need a lot to take to account and you will have to face criticism and some people will be scared a lot of sorcerers will come to Camelot, oh and the druids will probably want to visit, don't worry I can deal with them, but then you will have to face other kings and queens against magic, Odin won't like it, well I think he won't..."

"Merlin! How is it possible to talk so much in the morning? I just woke up and I refuse to answer to anything until I get breakfast."

"Sorry... I'm too excited." He made a move to get out of bed when he was pulled back by a strong arm.

"Where are you going?"

"To get you breakfast?"

"Take care of me first!" he argued pressing his erection against Merlin. The warlock chuckled.

"Yes Sire" he said wittily and went lower to work his magic... not literary but that's how Arthur felt it like.

Stress and anxiousness built in Merlin as the Lords and knights gathered for the council. He could feel their eyes as they looked upon him and he looked down at his hand embarrassingly.

"Are you afraid?" the king asked mockingly.

"They are all watching me" he whispered "it's not every day that a servant gets to sit next to the king."

"Let them watch and anyway you are not a servant, at least you won't be after this..."

"Will I?" he said and scoffed.

"I'm king I'll do whatever I want!"

"Prat!" He mumbled and Arthur really wanted to attack him with a kiss.

"Idiot!" He said instead.

In minutes the seats where filled and Arthur stood up to begin the meeting.

"Lords and Knights of Camelot... I have gathered you today to announce a big change that is about to happen. I have long realised that my father's views and laws on magic are far too harsh and unjust. I am therefore lifting the ban of magic..." chatter begun to grow "making such practises no longer illegal and people who are gifted with it will no longer be persecuted." They all talked to one another, some people worried, some frustrated while others simply nodded and said nothing. Lord Owen was the first to speak

"My lord, I do not oppose your opinion and word, but is it wise to lift the ban right now? We are at war with the Saxons even now that we have just defeated them in Camlan's battle. We need to prepare for possible attacks. Lifting the ban will require new rules, new regulations."

"I oppose to this! Your father worked hard to clean Camelot from this magic filth. It will only bring misery and misfortune." Another lord spat out.

"I did not ask permission and it is not a question. The ban of magic will be lifted." Arthur said decisively.

"For such a thing to happen we will need someone who knows of magic and who would want to help Camelot after all this years and how do we know there is someone we can trust?" Knight Leon asked with reason.

Lord Edwin was next to stand up. "My Lord I offer my services to you. I know of the use of magic and although I'm not in the least powerful, I want to be of assistance." The whole council stood astonished from such a brave confession, even Merlin never guessed it.

"I can be of help as well my King. I have a sister that possesses magic. I can send word to the druid camp she lives." Merlin was amazed by how helpful the council wanted to be and how well they took it.

"Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions but I already have someone of trust. A powerful sorcerer and dragonlord known to the druids by the name of Emrys." More chatter proved that some people knew of the name and what it was promising.

"Emrys?" Lord Edwin asked "Is the great Emrys amongst us?" Merlin went shy by the flattering words of the Lord.

"Indeed he is. He has been for long now. He was the one to saved me during Camlan and he has aided me since the time he was appointed to me as my manservant."

All eyes turned on Merlin who was still looking at his hands. Arthur pushed him slightly prompting him to stand up. He did, unsure of what to do next. Should he give a speech? Or just stand there to be admired or looked down upon. All looked and stared and said nothing unable to believe what the king just said.

"Well I always had my suspicions about you Merlin!" Percival broke the silence. "But to be the mighty Emrys? I would never have believed it!"

"Excuse my ignorance but who is Emrys?" Leon asked.

"He is supposed to be the most powerful warlock ever to be. He is magic itself some might say."

The council went on and on till late afternoon about how the law on magic should be treated and some still questioned Merlin's power and Arthur just brushed away such comments. The Court Sorcerer, now, was most helpful with temporary laws, that it surprised Arthur. Merlin suggested to make a general rule against dark magic until he would make it more specific and looked through all spells, as well as magic used on other people against their will, among other things. Arthur watched Merlin talking so sure about magic and being so knowledgeable that made Arthur fall in love with him all over again.

...

Arthur entered his chambers, followed by Merlin who shut the door behind him, literary dragging his feet from exhaustion.

"That went quite well don't you think?" Arthur asked.

"Yes." He said as he saw the king throw his cloak, took his jacket of, letting both fall on the floor. He threw himself on the bed, while Merlin picked up the discarded clothes and then joining him on the bed. They lay side by side watching at nothing in particular both in their own thoughts, until Arthur broke the silence.

"Don't think I haven't noticed the bags under your eyes and how exhausted you always look. You barely eat and when you do, you don't eat much. Don't make me force-feed you."

"Stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself."

"Shut up and listen to what I say!"

"Yes my lord." He quickly replied. Arthur gave up long ago with the "Stop calling me Lord/Sire when we are alone." It just became a way to tease Arthur.

"I'm sleeping in my bed tonight."

"Why?" Arthur asked, obviously disappointed.

"I need to study my books."

"So bring them here! Study here!"

"You know as well as I do, that you won't let me if I stay here."

"I promise not to touch you."

"Your word is no good to me."

"I will deal with my paperwork as well so don't worry."

"Then why should I disturb you with my presence."

"I want to keep an eye on you, you idiot!" he finally shouted.

Merlin smiled. "Then why don't you say so in the first place." And then he started laughing.

They indeed did as Arthur promised. He sat on his desk while he unearthed things that needed to be signed, read, review, approved among other things, while Merlin who had an odd way of studying his enormous volumes of newly acquired books that Arthur actually gave him from the vaults, making Merlin all happy, by walking up and down and mumbling words in another language, occasionally sitting on the floor or a chair and then walking around again, he would sometimes perform spells, small spells nothing really grand. The whole thing with Merlin being free and his self gave Arthur a smile he fought to hide. A servant brought a tray with food allowing them a small break and Arthur force-fed Merlin in the end.

They soon went back to their work and Merlin lied on the bed on his stomach while reading. His eyes soon became heavy and a few minutes later he was fast asleep on the book. Arthur stood up to take the book under him and put a blanket over him before he returned back to his work. He occasionally glanced over Merlin's curled figure on the bed, his chest slowly rising and falling. It was at a moment were Arthur was too occupied of his papers when he heard a small whisper.

"Arthur." He said in his sleep, making Arthur smile. He ignored it and looked back down to his papers. Just seconds passed when Arthur heard his name again and Merlin stirring from his sleep. Arthur got up and got closer to the bed. Merlin's face was troubled and in pain. His breathing faster than normal and his forehead sweaty.

Then it struck him. How could he not have noticed? He was suffering from nightmares, really torturous ones too.

"Merlin!" he gave a nudge, unsuccessful. The warlock was still suffering and he breathed Arthur's name again.

"Merlin!" he shouted again and Merlin stood up with a start, tears in his eyes. He focused on his surroundings and looked at Arthur's beautiful face before putting a hand on his cheek, feeling him, trying to prove he was real. "It was just a nightmare." Arthur said his voice calm and reassuring.

Merlin burst in tears and sobs. This was it, his breaking point. He couldn't deal with it anymore. Arthur looked at him worriedly.

"Merlin it was a dream."

"It's always the same dream. Always the same!" his voice shook. "You are dying and it feels so real. So very real." Arthur hugged him tight. "And then there are these voices."

"What voices?" he asked worriedly, feeling Merlin shaking in his arms.

"Voices telling me you shouldn't be alive. They keep telling me death was meant for you and that I shouldn't have saved you."

"Merlin calm down you are making me worried." He paused and waited till Merlin took deep breaths and his breathing became steady. "Now listen to me." He told him. "I am here and I don't intend to go anywhere." He took his face in his hands. "I'm here, I am not dead."

"You don't understand." He said, voice very low. "My dreams are not like yours. My dreams sometimes tell what is to come, what was supposed to happen, an alternate end of happenings. Your life was not meant to continue and for a life to be saved another must be taken." Arthur listened to his words carefully and mixed feelings started to grow in him, fear, guilt, worry. "I took a risk, willingly, knowing that my life would be at stake. I was prepared to give my life for you, but I'm alive. I've waited two weeks for my punishment but it hasn't come yet. I keep asking myself if it's not me who is it?"

Arthur stood up and paced up and down nervously. He fell deep into thought and Merlin could do little but watch his pained expression. He looked nervous and afraid and... angry?

"Arthur?"

"Don't Merlin!" He raised a finger. "Let me think."

"Are you angry?"

"Angry?" He looked at Merlin "Angry cannot start describing how I feel. How can you act so reckless and foolish? How can you just put your life in such danger..."

"You were dying."

"And giving your life is the answer? Do you think you are worth so little? To me? To Gaius? To Camelot?"

"It's because your life is worth more than mine! Camelot needs a King!"

"Stop! Do not give me that excuse!" he let out a long sigh.

Merlin stood up and approached Arthur. He put his palms on his kings crossed arms.

"Tell me something, if you were in my place would you accept letting me die without doing anything? Answer me honestly."

Arthur remained silent, he knew the answer to the question but he dared not to give it. He was annoyed that Merlin was right.

"But you are suffering."

"I will find a solution." He paused his hands fell next to his side and looked away from Arthur. "I always do."

"Are you going to die?"

"No, I don't think I will. If I haven't by now, someone else must have." He replied sadly.

"Who?"

"I don't know."

"Could... Could it have been Gwaine?" he said with sadness.

"I don't think so, but it must be someone close." The remained silent and still for a few seconds.

Arthur sat down on his bed and looked at Merlin. He felt guilty of putting him in such a position. Poor Merlin, he thought.

"Why didn't you say anything before? You didn't have to go through this alone."

Merlin shrugged. "Habit I suppose."

"Come here." He said extending an arm. Merlin placed his hand in his and sat down next to him. He placed his head on Arthur's shoulder and sighed as his fingers where brushing his black hair. "We'll figure it out... together."

He gave him a loving kiss in the forehead and allowed himself to indulge in the moment. Having Merlin in his arms was the only thing Arthur needed for happiness. Merlin was his happiness. Merlin was his all. Even if he did die, they would find each other. The world was not strong enough to keep their souls apart, because in the end they weren't just two people loving one another. Were one existed, the other would as well. When one laughed, the other would as well. When one was dying, the other would follow. Their souls were connected as one. Their love was the greatest anyone will ever know.


End file.
